It's Safe to Say I Am Sick of Scorpions.

I am so sick of scorpions.

I even promised myself I would stop blogging about them. 

But I can't.  The Scorpion Nest we reside in is almost so unbelieveable that *I* can't even believe it, and I live it every day.  And that is why I must share the latest Scorpion Escapades.

Someday, my memory will be foggy or I may be lucky enough to live in a place that is scorpion-free and I will think back on this house and wonder if I imagined it all.  Or maybe I will tell my children tales of the scorpion-kind and they won't believe me (because seriously...who has THIS MANY SCORPIONS IN THEIR HOUSE!?).  Won't it be nice to direct them to this here blog, pictures and all, to verify my stories. 

So anyway, here it goes.

As you know, the Orkin Man came out earlier this week.  Oh, what a welcome sight he was as he pulled that big old cannister of poison out of his little white truck.  And what high hopes I had as he left us a stack of sticky bug traps ("We won't need those, they are all going to be DEAD!" I thought).  And how I disregarded his comment about how the scorpions might be "mad" and we might see a few the first few days after he sprayed ("Mad? Who cares if they're mad as long as they die!").

It didn't take long to see our first survivor of the Scorpion Apocalypse.  Not long at all.  And guess where I saw him?

On my shoulder.  In bed. 

Yeahhhh...not the best way to wake up.  Of course, I screamed, ripped my shirt off and got lucky I wasn't stung.

Fast forward about, oh, 12 hours.  I am washing laundry that was on the floor of my closet.  I throw it in the dryer.  I return to take it out and find another one (stuck in the dryer vent, like the last one I found in the laundry).  But this one?  He was NOT. DEAD.  He survived a washing and a drying and was still trying to thrash around.  I took a picture of him and will get that posted soon (because I know that everyone wants to see pictures of half-dead scorps). 

At this point I am thinking that the poison actually has made them stronger and that we have mutated their race and created a special sub-species of Super Scorpions.

And oh, how I wish that was the last one I've seen.

But then there was this morning.

Half asleep, I feel something (think maybe I am even dreaming) tickling my cheek.  I open my eyes and see, quite literally out of the corner of my eye, something scampering around my temple.  I sit up and see it fall off my face...ANOTHER FREAKING SCORPION.  I start pulling back the pillows and sheets to look for it while hitting Charles and hissing "Scorpion!" at him (because as horrified as I am here, I do not want to wake up the sleeping child!).  We look for it, can't find it, and then Charles says, "Don't Move. Straighten your arm out slowly..."

I oblige.  The little bastard is climbing down my arm.  Charles flicks him off, beats him with a shoe, and sends him to the burial grounds (aka the septic tank). 

So, a couple of notes here.  Our beds (we have a king-sized bed and Jack has a full-size, and they are right next to each other) are on box springs on the floor.  They are not on frames.  They are also pushed up against the wall.  Apparently the Orkin Man said that having the beds against the wall can be a problem but WHO THE HECK DOESN'T HAVE THEIR BED PUSHED UP AGAINST A WALL???  And the first two times Charles and I were stung, both in bed, the bed was up on a bed frame, so it's not like this can be entirely blamed on having the bed on the floor.

This evening Charles pulled the beds back about an inch from the wall and circled them in Scorpion traps.  He covered the air-conditioning vents on the floor with plastic.  We stuffed traps in every corner of my closet.  A week since the house was sprayed, the poison should be kicking in now (Charles claims the last two we found were "not quite right" and appeared to be affected by the poison and dying slow deaths...ummm...yeah, I'm not going to agree with that theory seeing as they were both ON ME when we found them!!).

If this doesn't do it, I don't know what will.  I am just thanking my lucky stars that Jack has not been stung and that Charles and I have only been stung three times between the two of us. 

Join me in praying to the Bug God to remove his subjects from our house.

And...here's hoping I do not ever need to write another post about waking up to a scorpion in my bed,