The end is near. I'm not just in the homestretch...I'm a length from the wire and closing in fast.
This pregnancy is almost over.
Or, so I believe.
See, when I went in for my 36 week check-up with Jack, I was (WARNING: cervix talk ahead!) dilated to 1.5 cm, 50% effaced (for you non-moms that means my cervix was thinned out 50%), and my uterus was measuring 37 cm (a bit on the big side). Jack was born at 37 weeks exactly.
So last week I went in for my 36 week check-up with Claire and guess what? The stats are exactly the same. Exactly. And today? I am 37 weeks pregnant.
It's not normal for pregnancies to be exactly the same - they are all different, even with the same mom. So I don't know WHY in my head I was expecting her to be here right at 37 weeks...but, I am. I think I'll be meeting her in the next few days. If I'm wrong...well, then I hope she can wait until at least next Sunday or the following Monday because we will be moving that weekend (keeping fingers crossed on that). So I either want her here now with a few days of recovery under my belt before we are signing closing papers and moving to a new house, or I want her to arrive after we are actually in the new house (how ideal would that be - to bring her home to a house without having to worry about scorions in the bed!).
But either way...be it another day or several more weeks...she is on her way and there is no denying it.
Before Jack was born, I remember writing about how it HAD to be easier to get some sleep and how it HAD to be better once the baby was actually here. After all, I am now in the phase of my pregnany where I am lucky to sleep for 40 straight minutes before being awakened by either my very-full bladder, calf cramps or some other pregnancy-induced sleep-inhibitor. But I know better now than to think that it's going to be easier when the baby is born...what crack was I smoking when I thought I would get MORE sleep when the baby was born???
I now know that, as I stumble to the bathroom for the eighth time in one night, I can climb back into bed and lay there in relative peace...even if I'm not asleep. Newborns don't allow for that luxury. Oh no. If I am up with a newborn I'll be up on her terms...not mine. If she's not tired, I won't be sleeping. I won't even be able to just lay there wishing I could sleep. If I recall (and I may have blocked these memories from my mind in my anticipation of Baby Girl), I will be wishing I was asleep as I pace the room for hours on end bouncing a cranky baby.
And sometimes I find myself thinking, "It will be easier this time - it HAS to be easier!" and I get all confident and am feeling all great about things and then I remember one little variable I didn't have the first time around - JACK. That's right. The toddler will be thrown into the mix. So maybe it will be easier (I am, after all, more confident in my parenting abilities and probably most importantly, I have learned to live by the mantra "This Too Shall Pass" - so I am better able to see the light at the end of the tunnel). But what I am not sure of is how I'll manage two little beings who need me, and will likely need me at the same time (and for some perspective here, I know I am not the first person to ever have two kids and I know parents with more than two kids who have survived so I *know* we will get through it - I just sometimes wonder *how* we will get through it!).
But today, here I am...not working any longer and very grateful for that (who KNEW I would be this tired!). I am spending time with Jack (admittedly, a lot of it is in front of the TV). Our house is mostly packed except for the things we need. Baby diapers are washed and organized. My birthing center bag is packed and in the car. The car seat is installed.
All we are waiting on is Baby Claire to arrive.
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